Anger, Aggression and Myths About Anger

Aggression is often closely linked to anger.
The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary for our survival.

When Does Anger Become A Problem?

People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their feelings of anger. Anger becomes a problem when it is felt too frequently, felt too intensely, and expressed inappropriately. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; and remains a normal response when expressed appropriately and felt less frequently and less intensely. Prolonged and frequent anger places extreme physical strain on the body, activating certain parts of the nervous system, and increasing blood pressure and heart rate. This stress on the body may produce many different health problems such as hypertension.

Other negative consequences of anger that make it a problem include; violence and physical aggression during anger episodes which can result in being arrested, losing one’s job, problems at work, in your relationships, and in the overall quality of your life.

The three main approaches to dealing with feelings of anger are:

1. Suppressing
2. Calming
3. Expressing

Suppressing:
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if the outward expression is not allowed, your anger can turn inward (on yourself). Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

Calming:
You can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calming yourself down, and letting the feelings subside.

Expressing:
Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive, not aggressive manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

Myths About Anger

Myth 1: My Behaviour When I am Angry Is Fixed and Cannot Be Changed (“It Is How I Am”)

One misconception or myth about anger is that the way we behaviourally express anger is inherited and cannot be changed. Our facial expressions and our nervous system’s response when we become angry could have been inherited, but what we do next, our behavior is learned.

Behavioral responses to anger are a product of what we have learned from other people in our environment or how environmental factors have molded us to respond.

Sometimes, we may hear a person say, “I inherited my anger from my father; that is just the way I am.”
This statement implies that the behavioral expression of anger is fixed and cannot be changed. Although to some extent a person’s proneness towards anger has a genetic basis, this is also subject to change.
An individual’s childhood environment plays a major role in determining how much a person expresses anger.
Human beings are a product of “nature and nurture”. People are not born with set, specific ways of expressing anger, it is possible to learn more appropriate ways of expressing anger. Similarly, it is possible to change the way your nervous system reacts after you get angry. You can learn to calm down more quickly with practice.

Many studies have established that the way people learn to express anger and violence is by observing others, particularly influential people. These people could include parents, family members, friends, and role models. For example, if children observe parents expressing anger through aggressive acts, such as verbal abuse and violence, they will likely learn to express anger in similar ways.
Fortunately, this behavior can be changed by learning new and appropriate ways of expressing anger.

Remember, change is the only constant thing, it is not necessary to continue to express anger by aggressive and violent means.

Myth 2: Anger Automatically Leads to Aggression (I am violent when I’m angry, I can’t help it).
A related myth involves the misconception that the only effective way to express anger is through aggression. It is commonly thought that anger is something that builds and escalates to the point of an aggressive outburst. However, as we have previously explained in this series, anger does not necessarily lead to aggression, anger is a normal and natural feeling, but the question is “how do you express it?” Effective anger management involves controlling the escalation of anger by learning assertiveness skills, changing negative and hostile thoughts or “self-talk,” challenging maladaptive beliefs to replace them with positive ones, and employing a variety of behavioral strategies.

So ask yourself these questions today.
“How have I been expressing my anger?
Have I inflicted harm on myself, my loved ones, and those around me while expressing my anger? ”
Based on what your responses are, endeavor to make the necessary adjustments.

– Oluwatosin Adediwura Adeyemi

Clinical psychologist, GBHS

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