My First Time In Therapy: chronicles of Bola

I had gone on the insistence of Charles. He actually paid for it. Trust me, it was not my thing to talk to a total stranger about deep intimate things. The deep masculine persona I portray would not allow me to. Anyways, after much persuasion, I went. And I never regretted it.

Four months ago, I got the rudest shock of my life. I felt like a wreck. My world was crashing. I thought I was losing my mind and there was no point living any longer. What was the point of going on with life when my Nancy, the woman I have loved these past four years; the woman I had promised to marry and live the rest of my life with; the woman I had built my whole world around; the woman I thought would be the mother of my unborn children left me for another man? Nancy meant the world to me, but Nancy left me, she left me for another man. It was the most devastating blow of my life. I felt my heart was stabbed, broken, and shattered to smithereens.

I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t think well. I couldn’t focus on my work any longer. I lost my appetite. My heart was heavy. I felt this thick fog of darkness envelope my soul. I was sorrowful. I felt guilty. I began to question myself. “Maybe I did something wrong.” “Maybe, I wasn’t good enough.” “Maybe she would come back.” “Is this all a joke or something?” Each time I thought this way, I sank deeper into my guilt and sorrow. I felt shameful. Questions started popping up in my mind. “What will happen to me now?” “Where will I start?” “What about the people I have introduced her to, what would they think of me?” “Will I ever get married?” “Will I ever find someone like my Nancy again?” Oh, Nancy! My Precious Nancy! “What did I do to deserve this treatment from you?”

At first, I felt it was normal, everyone goes through a breakup and bounces back. I thought that after some weeks, the feelings would leave. I was wrong, the feelings did not leave.  The lady I loved left me for another man and she was not coming back. She informed me via text. “I know you are a good man, but I do not think I can do this with you any longer. I have found someone who makes me happy, and I hope you find someone that makes you happy too”. I stalked her on her Instagram page. I was shocked two weeks later when I found out that she had left the country with her newfound lover. She was not coming back.

At the peak of it, I was losing my mind. I began contemplating taking my own life. Life was meaningless without Nancy. I felt I had come to the end of the road and there was no need to go any further. My hair became bushy and unkempt; I stopped caring about how my nails looked. I no longer hung out with the guys on Friday evenings at the bar. They complained that they missed me but I never cared. That was when Charles showed up.

Charles is my bosom friend at work. He had noticed that I was not showing up as I used to. He noticed my performance had dropped at work and I was no longer meeting up with deadlines. He walked up to me one day during lunch and asked what the problem was. I burst into tears. I told how I felt; how I felt my world was closing up. He listened to me intently. In the end, he told me I needed therapy. I was reluctant at first, but since I had fewer options, I opted to go for it. He introduced me to Gracehill.

At first, I didn’t know what to expect. The ambiance at Gracehill was calm and the staff was welcoming. Whatever misgiving I had before I saw the therapist, I lost it already. The therapist was warm and genuine with me. He listened to me without judging.  He allowed me to evacuate my mind. Through the process, I was able to make sense of my pain. I was allowed to grieve my loss. Through his guidance, I was able to chart a course for my recovery. Though laborious, the process has been worthwhile. It has been four weeks in therapy and I feel alive again.  It has been one of the best decisions I’ve made this year. I acknowledge that Nancy is gone and I may never be able to be with her again, however, I can still live a satisfying life and engage in a beautiful romantic relationship with someone I love.

– Daniel Odekunle (Clinical Psychologist)

Disclaimer:

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, events, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.